Mothers...

Today I had a new worker who was great to work with. She was very kind and I was able to communicate with her more. I had V and G in the outside sunroom the whole time. It was a nice day outside with the sun coming in, and fresh air – a break from being cooped up inside the apt.

There was a little bike that I pushed G back and forth for about an hour (all within the same 20 ft area). It’s amazing to me that kids don’t get bored doing things over and over and over and over and OVER again! We would vroom and beep the whole time. Every few minutes I would spend some time with V and work on the little things. Today, I was able to get him to look at me for about a whole minute straight. He was playing with this toyhouse and he would look through the windows. When he saw me looking at him through the small window, instead of glancing away like he normally does, he just smiled and kept looking at me. It was the longest he had ever made eye contact! Hey – one step at a time right? I want to help the kids play together. It seems like a lot of them have problems with social development. They don’t know how to interact with one another. That’s one of the goals I am going to work on. First – I need to learn how to say “share” and “be nice” in Romanian!

The hospital today was probably one of the toughest times I’ve had thus far. It didn’t help that I was exhausted when I arrived and had to walk up 7 flights of stairs. We went in and had 3 kids between 3 of us. I went in to a little boy’s room where he just laid on the bed and stared. I couldn’t get him to smile for the longest time. Finally, I started exercising and stretching his legs – that got him laughing so hard! I’m sure no one had even given him a chance to stretch out all day! Then, I felt his back and realized he was sweating like crazy. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to pick him up, but I did anyways and tried to cool him off a bit. I started singing to him and rocking him and he just smiled the whole time. I did this for about an hour. I was singing “I am a child of God” to him and I almost started crying when I thought about the words. This little boy didn’t have parents kind and dear, he didn’t have an earthly home either.  I was glad that I could atleast love him and hold him and kiss him and let him play with my hair. Even if I did nothing else, it would still be better than having him lye in a bed with no one to visit him other than an occasional nurse. At first when I would hold him, he would rock himself back and forth. This is normal for kids who have attachment problems. Because they didn’t form that bond with a caregiver as a child – i.e. typically when a child cries, the response from a parent or caregiver is to come pick them up or soothe them. When a child doesn’t have that, they learn to self-soothe themselves by rocking back and forth or they just don’t cry anymore. The nurses came in later to feed him some yogurt as I held him. After they finished feeding him, they left. No one even wiped this little boy’s face off. I didn’t have anything other than my scrubs to wipe his face. It made me so sad to think that these sweet little children are in such a neglected situation.

As I held this beautiful little boy – a million thoughts were running through my head. How could someone abandon such a precious life? What will this boy’s life be like? Will he ever have a mother?  Will he ever have someone to go with him to Parent teacher conferences? Will he ever have someone buy him a special treat at the store or take him swimming? Will he ever have a dad to teach him how to throw a ball or tell him stories?

When I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the experience I had at the hospital. Perhaps for me, this is the culture shock I am experiencing.  I needed to call my mom and ask her a few things – and to send me some major allergy medicine, but also I think I needed a bit of a debriefing and someone to talk to.

After talking to her for a good hour, I couldn’t stop thinking about mothers. Everyday we go into the hospital and say “Aveti copii fara mama?”  - “Are there children without a mother?” Though just a simple phrase, it is truly more than that. To have a mother, or even parents at all is a tremendous blessing. To have someone give you shelter, safety, a home,  food, and love – is a luxury to these children.

How grateful I am for my mom. Tonight as I cried with her on the phone, I realized how lucky I am because I have parents.

Thanks Mom for all you do. To everyone else who is a mother, don’t forget the influence you have. Even changing the hundreds of diapers is more love than these children get.

“As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon. Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy at least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom. The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will.

We just can’t let the Lord down. And if the day comes when we are the only women on earth who find nobility and divinity in motherhood, so be it. For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence.” – Sheri Dew